Oh my, this was such a gorgeous exploration of the meaning of home and place and I am very thankful I read it. 🥹 this sentence especially flooded me — “I see the miraculous sun and the people thrown out like freckles on the shore, and for a few seconds, I am not a fat, brown, queer body in a place that is trying to destroy me. I am simply a body in a place. And this place is beautiful. Even more for the fact that I am in it.” — immediate subscribe!
.. beautifully written, I resonate a lot with this piece. I feel like an alien returnung to my home town in the "bible belt' (central valley) of California. I have been escaping since college - LA, San Diego, Detroit, New York city. I am now a therapist/ social working and am wondering if my choices to help others for twenty years is a sophisticated trauma response from my childhood experience of being 'othered' I am not sure I'll ever gain a feeling of 'home'. Am I exploring or running by losing myself in the stories of others and never putting down roots?
Queer writer and consumer here finding my footing among so many thoughtful minds. Alexander, you’re one of the first I’ve stumbled on and this entry landed so deeply with me. The idea of home being a place of safety and nostalgia for so many is similarly the place we often develop our deepest insecurities and get wrongfully assigned the shame that is so hard to dilute. I’m happy to hear of your homecoming and that however briefly, you could see the beauty in your home again.
As someone who is back in the hometown of much “big T” trauma, I am feeling really deeply inspired by the power of your deep internal searching for how to create self safety and a redefinition of place. As though to alchemist the fabric of your life and being and the impact it has had in your body, the somatic memories that are triggered even just from a scent. It is profoundly deep and what you have gleaned and are holding onto to navigate yourself newly in the well worn spaces… even with all the residues..: it’s so powerful. Thank you for this offering and making the effort to write for and about it.
this is stunning! i've read how to do nothing three times now, so i'm right there with you. i think about it constantly, especially her conclusion about manifest dismantling, and our responsibility to take a step back, maybe turn around and look to the past for guidance, or for a place to start demolishing and rebuilding some harmful structures and institutions. running away, like you say, only allows for more and more rubbish to pile up in our wake, and we don't end up getting anywhere. luckily, we have each other to lean on — we aren't alone in this journey!!
This is gorgeous. I’m going home soon to visit my city of origin, about which I relate to your feelings. I’m going to be taking these words with me. I don’t have to see returning as a scary threat of re-traumatization. Healing can happen in a homecoming.
“But above all, how heartbreaking it would be for one's life to be a series of withdrawals, of movements away from a foundational hurt.”
This entire essay is beautiful, one that I suspect I will return to many times to come, and this paragraph especially struck the core of me hard. Many, many things you said here resonated with me, and I am glad I stumbled upon your Substack, even as you said you didn’t want to feel the need to post on Notes - and I’m glad you did.
This is beautiful. As an Irish woman in London I relate to this so much. I was lucky enough to have a choice to leave but I still think about going home constantly and am posting a piece tomorrow just like yours but with a different ending. Wishing you every happiness back home.
laughing at the chris hemsworth caption bc yes, 1000%. Same, and it's always amusing to me the hemsworth brothers are so lusted after in hollywood cos I'm always like... have you been to brisbane/the gold coast/queensland/australia? loooool
Oh my, this was such a gorgeous exploration of the meaning of home and place and I am very thankful I read it. 🥹 this sentence especially flooded me — “I see the miraculous sun and the people thrown out like freckles on the shore, and for a few seconds, I am not a fat, brown, queer body in a place that is trying to destroy me. I am simply a body in a place. And this place is beautiful. Even more for the fact that I am in it.” — immediate subscribe!
Thank you so much!
.. beautifully written, I resonate a lot with this piece. I feel like an alien returnung to my home town in the "bible belt' (central valley) of California. I have been escaping since college - LA, San Diego, Detroit, New York city. I am now a therapist/ social working and am wondering if my choices to help others for twenty years is a sophisticated trauma response from my childhood experience of being 'othered' I am not sure I'll ever gain a feeling of 'home'. Am I exploring or running by losing myself in the stories of others and never putting down roots?
Queer writer and consumer here finding my footing among so many thoughtful minds. Alexander, you’re one of the first I’ve stumbled on and this entry landed so deeply with me. The idea of home being a place of safety and nostalgia for so many is similarly the place we often develop our deepest insecurities and get wrongfully assigned the shame that is so hard to dilute. I’m happy to hear of your homecoming and that however briefly, you could see the beauty in your home again.
As someone who is back in the hometown of much “big T” trauma, I am feeling really deeply inspired by the power of your deep internal searching for how to create self safety and a redefinition of place. As though to alchemist the fabric of your life and being and the impact it has had in your body, the somatic memories that are triggered even just from a scent. It is profoundly deep and what you have gleaned and are holding onto to navigate yourself newly in the well worn spaces… even with all the residues..: it’s so powerful. Thank you for this offering and making the effort to write for and about it.
this is stunning! i've read how to do nothing three times now, so i'm right there with you. i think about it constantly, especially her conclusion about manifest dismantling, and our responsibility to take a step back, maybe turn around and look to the past for guidance, or for a place to start demolishing and rebuilding some harmful structures and institutions. running away, like you say, only allows for more and more rubbish to pile up in our wake, and we don't end up getting anywhere. luckily, we have each other to lean on — we aren't alone in this journey!!
This is gorgeous. I’m going home soon to visit my city of origin, about which I relate to your feelings. I’m going to be taking these words with me. I don’t have to see returning as a scary threat of re-traumatization. Healing can happen in a homecoming.
“But above all, how heartbreaking it would be for one's life to be a series of withdrawals, of movements away from a foundational hurt.”
This entire essay is beautiful, one that I suspect I will return to many times to come, and this paragraph especially struck the core of me hard. Many, many things you said here resonated with me, and I am glad I stumbled upon your Substack, even as you said you didn’t want to feel the need to post on Notes - and I’m glad you did.
Thank you for your kind words, I am humbled!
This is beautiful. As an Irish woman in London I relate to this so much. I was lucky enough to have a choice to leave but I still think about going home constantly and am posting a piece tomorrow just like yours but with a different ending. Wishing you every happiness back home.
Thank you so much - and I’m looking forward to reading your piece and seeing how you’ve navigated a similar quagmire!
So rich and insightful. Thank you
Beautiful words!
laughing at the chris hemsworth caption bc yes, 1000%. Same, and it's always amusing to me the hemsworth brothers are so lusted after in hollywood cos I'm always like... have you been to brisbane/the gold coast/queensland/australia? loooool
excellent piece, as usual!